I never in my life thought I would 1st of all be divorced with kids when I was 37, but that is the facts of my life. What can you do? I tried to make my marriage work, but I just couldn't keep my ex husbands pants zipped up. I can tell you it seriously not easy dating. I can't blame my age for the dating that's not the issue on that. I blame myself I have always had somewhat of a weight issue most of my teen and adult life. Lately my weight had just gotten our of control. I have gained about 20 lbs in the past 4 or 5 years..Some people may say that isn't much for 4 or 5 years. Yes, it really is when you are already over weight. I have dated being over weight and I have dated a couple really great guys who I am still friends with today. I just feel like the guys who don't mind a larger girl can see I am not comfortable with myself so why bother? The men who have been asking me out lately are men who have mentally incapable. I am being literal guys who can't drive or work they have to have some to support them and get disability payments. I don't have a problem with any person with a disability, I can barely take care of my daughters and myself much less someone else.
The crazy thing about be being overweight is I do know what to eat and how to lose weight. I absolutely have no motivation. I know most of it is the depression talking and causing a mental block of doing what I need to do. And the price on fresh fruit and veggies is so crazy. I have been slowly trying to get myself going . With food I have been to control my portion size and eating more whole grains at least for breakfast. I love oatmeal just eating it in a more healthier way is hard. When I have oatmeal I like to have it sweetened I use a sugar free sweetener, some people like to use honey, but since someone in m family is allergic to honey we don't keep it in the house. Here is my biggest problem with food or drink.. I am caffeine addicted and I drink a lot of coffee and I love sugar in my coffee the sweeter in coffee is just nasty. I will try sometimes,but never last long. I also have problems drinking water I have coffee 3 times a day I might have a glass of sweet tea at dinner , I never remember the water unless my kidney's hurt. That is a struggle I will have to work on.
The getting old part sucks to and being overweight I am feeling the effects in my knees and legs which causes some part of having trouble working out for a long period of time and forget climbing too may stairs, but I will take the stairs over the elevator at some places so I am not lazy. I only have knee pain in the fall and winter. I have had back pains, which contribute to my uncomfortable bed. I am smart and I know if I lose some weight those problems will get better.
I will try to post any results I will have during my journey on how I am doing with my struggles with my weight dating and being old.
