I didn't realize how long it had been since I last posted anything until my post early early this morning. Two years has passed. I do have an excuse..... My computer completely stopped working. My icons to get on to the internet had disappeared. After that happened I was left using my phone as my computer and you know that isn't really the b est way to blog.
In the last 2 years I have turned 40 O.M.G.!! I am getting so old and some days I really feel it. I'm still single, it has been almost 10 years since I have been in a serious relationship.. Even though I think it sucks to be single sometimes , it has been the best thing in the world for me. I am so glad I'm not one of those people who has to be in relationship to feel complete. I have realized that I'm not perfect and I am at fault at time.. which I kinda knew I wasn't perfect in my past relationships I know I have made so many mistakes, it has just took me this long to be able to admit my wrong doings.
I think every year I have learned more and more about myself and what I am about I have also learned how to keep my mouth shut when I am suppose to.. Yes, I haven't always held up to that in some circumstances, but for the most part I have made leaps and bounds. I had someone say to me you know everyone sees what you post on facebook.. referring to me going to a diner to have coffee late at night.. I didn't say anything because I didn't do anything wrong I wasn't out drinking or party. I wasn't doing anything I wasn't suppose to be doing. My kids where with me or being very well taken care of. I think I have the right to sit in a coffee shop having coffee and perhaps some food. I was proud of myself for not arguing back and stating my case because it wasn't their business. For that I gave myself a big pat on the back.
Since I have posted anything here so much has happened. The most devastating thing I ever had to encounter was my daughter who is now 19 moving out. It hurt so bad at 1st I felt rejected and as if I did something wrong to make her want to leave ME. I know she is 19 but she is still in school and I never thought she would leave until she was done. I felt angry and I know I took it out on her and she was mad at me for a minute. She moved in with her dad and I wasn't being nice to him either. Her dad and I talked and I felt much better. I don't talk to her as much as I like. Sometimes when I call she isn't in the mood to talk and someday s I can't get her off the phone which is great.
I have also found a job.. It's not the job I want but the one I need. I can't or try not to complain because I am truly grateful to have a job after going so long without one. I go do my job and come home. I don't go to work looking for friends.. which is fine.. some of the women I work with love talking negative about other people who work there and I really don't have tiome for that.
I guess I am happy.. I mean life could be worse and miserable I can only make things better no one else can do it for me.. I make my own happy. I am learning how.. I am ready to find someone now I know what I am looking for now.. My only problem is I am not good at approaching anyone I am interested in and I never go out.. so this will be an interesting journey for the next part of my life. Stay tuned if you follow me.
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