Random Things 2 Halloween

First of all I love Halloween.. I was born 4 days before and that really makes me Happy!!
I wish my kids could have experienced Halloween the way I did as a kid.  Back in the day kids were everywhere in my neighborhood dressed up trick or treating. I have notice since I have been a parent things have changed.  Not as many kids are out dressed up.. Now there is Trunk or Treat at most churches at least around here. That's all fine and good,  Now days you have to be a lot more safe.

I remember just my sister and I Trick or Treating without mom when we where in Elementary school. You didn't have to worry as much back then.  I also mom taking us to the hospital and having our candy x rayed before we where able to eat it.  Some of the costumes where just great  most home made by mom or another family member.  I wish I knew where the pictures where.  I will insert on of my kids when they were littler below

My girls about 13 or so years ago

And me from a couple years ago

This actually the 1st year I didn't get to do Halloween.. I had to work which was fine. One thing about working in retail are the people. I got to see so may people dressed up tonight it was awesome.  The only down side was I didn't get to see either kid dressed up. that is something I did miss. I dot home at 11 :30  and  my youngest was already dressed for bed. And the oldest is of course in North Carolina.  Besides she said she wasn't doing anything for Halloween any ways.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween Night.  It rained her so it was cut short. Until Next time.

Happy November!

Random things about me my life or people in.(1)

My Birthday was on the 27th of this month and for the 1st time I didn't feel bummed even though I had to work that day. I can still remember when I turned 30 years old I cried,  I was literally upset and depressed that day. I wasn't ready to leave my 20's  quite yet. I don't know why because other than my kids being born, My 20's sucked.. and my 30's weren't much better, Now I am 41 and I am wanting to make my 40's the best. 

I kinda feel somewhat wiser.  I  don't get mad as much or really have a reason to.  I am slowly working on my happiness.  I am ready to start a relationship it's been 10 years.  I feel I can make good decisions or better one's.  Not that all the ones I made in my past was horrible .. but I would to things much different and hopefully with a clearer mind. But I have to go out and be sociable to meet someone and I just don't go anywhere other than work and where ever my daughter needs me to go,

That is one fact about me hopefully I can think of more things to post.

Smarter than I Look

I can honestly say I'm not book smart I struggled to finish High School.  I grew up with a learning disability and it kinda has stuck with me through out my life unfortunately. I have passed this along to my daughter which I hate.  I struggled with math and science mostly.  For some reason retaining information in those classes was super difficult.  I did do very well in Literature/English and History even though I found History quite boring. I did alright in other classes.  Even though I struggled though school it doesn't make me dumb/stupid.


I am actually smarter than I let on to be or at least to some people.  Most people who know me and really take the time to get to know me understand this. What I lack in book smarts I make up in common since.  And like I said only a few and very far in between know this about myself and I kinda don't mind. There are a few maybe less than a handful of people who think I am not a smart person and think that if it came down to it they can take advantage of me..I can say I know how to take care of myself and not let that happen.  I have learned so much over the years on how to protect me and my kids if I have too.  Thinks in my life no so good has happened than has opened my eyes to know better the next time.  Common since can make your life so much easier.  I know people who think they have common since only because they are book smart and maybe even have money.


The advantage I have in life isn't just having common since, but being an all around good person.. treat people the way you want them to treat you.  In life you never know who you might need to lean on for support or guidance.  I tell myself everyday that it's going to be a great day.. Sometime's it isn't but believing differently would have make my day worse.   Always  stay aware trust the one's you love and stay somewhat leery of those you just meet.  Don't let anyone take advantage of you.

I know this don't make since to many people.. This just a weird thing on my mind that I just wanted to put out there is all.  This is kinda my rambling. This something for me too look back on.. I am sure I will look at this later down the road and say what in the world was I trying to say.

GOOD NIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS TO ALL.  

Love your self

I was talking to a friend t work last week about being single/divorced.  She said she had been divorce for 3 years and I had been divorced about 13 or more years and I have been single 10 years.  She said she was much happier being a single mom and the thought of dating wasn't an option.  I agreed I am much happier than I realized.

I can remember many times wishing I would find someone to love and not being alone.  I have dated, but it never went anywhere,  I  wondered what is wrong with me where nothing ever seems to work out beyond a date or two.  The one thing I have quickly realized that I didn't love myself.  I  never thought I was ever good enough for the men I was interested in. Their was so much self loathing.  Everything in my life was going to pieces.  I had gotten sick for awhile and had to have surgery and found out I was diabetic so that made me feel look I have failed myself . I had gained so much weigh I got to around to 320 lbs.

Being 320 lbs was a huge wake up call.  I started losing weight because I had gotten sick.. I realized that I have to treat myself much better. I started eating better and working out at the gym. That really made me feel so much better.  I started to actually like who I am.  Me being happy also made start to actually love myself.. I know I'm not perfect and no one is.  I have flaws I don't like it just keeps me moving in the right direction.

I have finally found a job and it feels good to be making money again.  I feel like I can provide better for my kids even the one who don't live with me.  I am at the point that I feel that I am ready to find someone in my life. I feel good about who I am and not worried if I am good enough.  I am still fine if I am not with someone unlike before.  I have finally found the key to my happiness. If you don't love yourself how can you love someone else or maintain a relationship.

Stress,Anger, and Keeping Peace

September 30 wasn't a day I can say was great at all.  I had to be at work at work at 6:30 A.M. which sucked since the night before I couldn't sleep to save my life.  My daughter was upset she had talked to her dad and he wasn't happy with her grades, which I understand because I'm not happy myself.  But they do look worse than they look even on her report card she  had actually gotten Oct 1 which is still today for me. She had gotten a 0 in one of her class, which I know she has been doing her work. I told my child when she talked to the school counselor to talk to her about the teacher not putting in her grades and being in class playing on his computer the whole time. I know she is graded weird in that class even though she has to make an 85 to move on to the next lesson.. she is graded by the percentage of the class through out the whole school year.  I know she is doing work because I see her doing it.  Her Heath grade was bad as well..but since report card was given she had turned in somethings and if she continues she should pass.  Her dad took her phone away which that is his provocative to do so. His mom pays for it.

Back to my bad day, had called my Ex Husband for a different reason I had already planned to call him about the child's doctor appointment.  He was telling me he had a conversation which my oldest about my other ex which was a boyfriend (not husband I thank god) beating her and her sister when I wasn't home. I knew he had spanked them 3 or 4 times when I was home and we argued about that I didn't want him to touch my kids because they are my kids to discipline not this especially when he never would discipline his own daughter. The reason I left him was because I didn't like the way he treated my kids.. I never ever knew he was beating my kids when IO wasn't home.  I know my kids where small back then, But I really wish I knew  the extent of whet was going on.  I feel responsible for what happened even though I had no clue.. I feel like I should have known.

I have been single 10 years I don't trust anyone at all.  Even though I didn't to how extreme the abuse was I still hated how my kids where treated from what I knew and I never wanted my kids to be around someone who treated the without respect.  Which I can say I have learned a lot from being single.  I know what I want and not settle I would rather be single that to rush into a relationship with someone because my family thought that guy was my perfect match.. He was a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I hope things get better for the kids as well as myself and anyone in my life.  The only thing I say is things can only get better.  I have control of my life I let good happen .. I have always told my kids that.. I always say you make your own happy.. Don't let anyone bring you down shrug it off and move along.. I have wiped out all  the negative people in my life I simply don't associate with anyone who seems to be unhappy and try to bring me down.  I don't talk to people who cause drama.  If I do have to talk or be with any people like this.. I just keep it short and keep calm.

I am glad my ex husband talked to me about this.  It was hard to hear but I need to hear it. Time to go to bed it's way past my bed time.  GOODNIGHT! <3 p="">