Random 6 Parents

One thing mom really hates talking about is the fact she was married quite quite young, it was kinda  a circumstantial thing and I will leave it at that.   My mom and dad where married about 7 years.  They 1st had my sister Eve and them me.  ( I am trying to think of a way to make this kinda short)
They divorced when I was 3 years old.  Mom was basically a single mom with the help of my grandfather, which I called PawPaw. By the way he was one of the best male figures I ever had in my life.. Not saying my dads father was bad or anything.  My Paw Paw was the greatest for helping my mom with raising us.

My dad stayed here in Georgia for a little while probable less than 3 months. I thing financially he gave my mom around $300 child support.  He had move back up to Tennessee where he was from and only took jobs that payed him under the table.. so he didn't have to pay.  My mom struggled raising us it was horrible now knowing how much she struggled.. But the great thing about her is she never let on how poor we where.  I actually didn't know I was poor. I do remember wearing shoes to school and they would come apart and the elementary school I went to had this one room filled with donated clothes and shoes and the teacher giving me a new pair.. but back then I never thought much of it.

I remember when I was young up until early high school  I worshiped my dad.  It took me that long to just realize that he was no a great father.  When my parents 1st split, he would get my sister and I a lot. But as the years went on it was less and less.. It it wasn't for his parents my Grandpa and Grandma I would never have seen them or any of my other family.  My Grandfather was a truck driver and he would pick my sister and I up and we would go on the road with them for days sometimes weeks,  I am so grateful for that.

The crazy thing is I don't remember a lot of my childhood before age 3 or too many years after 3.. I remember a lot of thing at around 3.. I guess because that was when my parents divorced. I remember them being married, camping and helping my dad with his camping bus.. or watching. I remember the fighting and the break up, which kinda was traumatizing.  I don't remember details only the sounds of fighting.

You know I am better off without him in my life.. I see him occasionally at family functions with my step monster.  But I don't go out of my way to call him like my sister does. Eve does it because she don't like people being mad at her.. me who cares why show love to someone who doesn't deserve it.  I have had the same number forever and he can't find the time to call, It's sad neither of my kids know him and I have given him plenty opportunities to be in their lives.   I am happy and there isn't any drama in my life as long as he isn't around. I do love him, but I don't have to like him.

OK just a little about my dad aka(sperm donor)  or as my sister use to call him when she was on the same page as me. I can't say what the future hold but right now it's very bleak.

Until next time.. Good Night Good day..<3 p="">

Random 5 Crowds

I have been trying to figure out things for me to do to become more sociable.  I am not really in to bars and clubs never really had tons of fun when I went, I think it's a crowd thing I just can't be surrounded by too may people for a long period of time.. I get hot, nervous, paranoid and can't breath,

I work a lot or weird hours so it's not easy to just go out on the weekend.  I want to start getting out and doing stuff.  I have noticed since I am working I don't feel as depressed   i use to.  But I don't have a social life.. I do have friends, but most are married, in a relationship or they life too far away.  I have to start living. It has been so many years since I have felt like I have been living life.  The one thing I need to do is start getting out when someone asked hey do you wanna go so and so with me, I need to do.  It's hard when mom will asked me at midnight let's go get cake and coffee when I have to be up at 10 or earlier to go to work.

I have had people say join a dating sight...umm no!! I don't have to find a date just to have fun. Yes, I am ready to date but on my terms and how I feel comfortable doing it.  People just don't get how picky I have become since my last relationship. My goal is to at least do something once a week if I feel like it or no.  I might go have lunch with mom and her girls tomorrow that's a start anyways.

I know this lame .. but I keep thinking about things to post from the past funny stories.. which I know I have.  I am just not thinking of any off the top of my head. I am sure I can find something.. because I was a pretty weird kid.

Have a good Day/Night! <3 p="">

Rambling (3) and (4) Random Facts

One fact about me is I really hate text-ting . I mean it's OK to get a quick point across, Sometimes having a longer conversation is horrible. I hate when you post something and someone thinks you are being rude when you only have the best intentions in mind.  It has happened to me a few times.. Then you have to call the person and explain what you mean and you didn't try to sound like a smart butt.
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Since I didn't post last night another fact about me is I never wanted to have children.  I never thought it would happen.  I love children so much I just didn't want my own. It was me thinking practically about the cost, because kids are so expensive.  But oopsies happen and I can't be any happier because I have the most amazing kids in the world.  Anyways after my 1st child was born and I got married my ex and I kinda had a conversation about living as an only child.. He had siblings but didn't grow up with them,  Even though my second child wasn't planed at that moment in time we wanted to have another one someday.

Now I am older every once in awhile I wish I had more.. But then I'm like NAH that's what nieces ans nephews are for. I am able to hangout with them.. but they go home.  The one thing I like about my job is I get to see little kids and babies, I can play with them for a minute or two and they go home.

Sometimes you get what you don't want, but happy that you got it in the long run. That goes for so many other things like jobs or friends to name a couple. I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Random Things 2 Halloween

First of all I love Halloween.. I was born 4 days before and that really makes me Happy!!
I wish my kids could have experienced Halloween the way I did as a kid.  Back in the day kids were everywhere in my neighborhood dressed up trick or treating. I have notice since I have been a parent things have changed.  Not as many kids are out dressed up.. Now there is Trunk or Treat at most churches at least around here. That's all fine and good,  Now days you have to be a lot more safe.

I remember just my sister and I Trick or Treating without mom when we where in Elementary school. You didn't have to worry as much back then.  I also mom taking us to the hospital and having our candy x rayed before we where able to eat it.  Some of the costumes where just great  most home made by mom or another family member.  I wish I knew where the pictures where.  I will insert on of my kids when they were littler below

My girls about 13 or so years ago

And me from a couple years ago

This actually the 1st year I didn't get to do Halloween.. I had to work which was fine. One thing about working in retail are the people. I got to see so may people dressed up tonight it was awesome.  The only down side was I didn't get to see either kid dressed up. that is something I did miss. I dot home at 11 :30  and  my youngest was already dressed for bed. And the oldest is of course in North Carolina.  Besides she said she wasn't doing anything for Halloween any ways.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween Night.  It rained her so it was cut short. Until Next time.

Happy November!

Random things about me my life or people in.(1)

My Birthday was on the 27th of this month and for the 1st time I didn't feel bummed even though I had to work that day. I can still remember when I turned 30 years old I cried,  I was literally upset and depressed that day. I wasn't ready to leave my 20's  quite yet. I don't know why because other than my kids being born, My 20's sucked.. and my 30's weren't much better, Now I am 41 and I am wanting to make my 40's the best. 

I kinda feel somewhat wiser.  I  don't get mad as much or really have a reason to.  I am slowly working on my happiness.  I am ready to start a relationship it's been 10 years.  I feel I can make good decisions or better one's.  Not that all the ones I made in my past was horrible .. but I would to things much different and hopefully with a clearer mind. But I have to go out and be sociable to meet someone and I just don't go anywhere other than work and where ever my daughter needs me to go,

That is one fact about me hopefully I can think of more things to post.

Smarter than I Look

I can honestly say I'm not book smart I struggled to finish High School.  I grew up with a learning disability and it kinda has stuck with me through out my life unfortunately. I have passed this along to my daughter which I hate.  I struggled with math and science mostly.  For some reason retaining information in those classes was super difficult.  I did do very well in Literature/English and History even though I found History quite boring. I did alright in other classes.  Even though I struggled though school it doesn't make me dumb/stupid.


I am actually smarter than I let on to be or at least to some people.  Most people who know me and really take the time to get to know me understand this. What I lack in book smarts I make up in common since.  And like I said only a few and very far in between know this about myself and I kinda don't mind. There are a few maybe less than a handful of people who think I am not a smart person and think that if it came down to it they can take advantage of me..I can say I know how to take care of myself and not let that happen.  I have learned so much over the years on how to protect me and my kids if I have too.  Thinks in my life no so good has happened than has opened my eyes to know better the next time.  Common since can make your life so much easier.  I know people who think they have common since only because they are book smart and maybe even have money.


The advantage I have in life isn't just having common since, but being an all around good person.. treat people the way you want them to treat you.  In life you never know who you might need to lean on for support or guidance.  I tell myself everyday that it's going to be a great day.. Sometime's it isn't but believing differently would have make my day worse.   Always  stay aware trust the one's you love and stay somewhat leery of those you just meet.  Don't let anyone take advantage of you.

I know this don't make since to many people.. This just a weird thing on my mind that I just wanted to put out there is all.  This is kinda my rambling. This something for me too look back on.. I am sure I will look at this later down the road and say what in the world was I trying to say.

GOOD NIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS TO ALL.  

Love your self

I was talking to a friend t work last week about being single/divorced.  She said she had been divorce for 3 years and I had been divorced about 13 or more years and I have been single 10 years.  She said she was much happier being a single mom and the thought of dating wasn't an option.  I agreed I am much happier than I realized.

I can remember many times wishing I would find someone to love and not being alone.  I have dated, but it never went anywhere,  I  wondered what is wrong with me where nothing ever seems to work out beyond a date or two.  The one thing I have quickly realized that I didn't love myself.  I  never thought I was ever good enough for the men I was interested in. Their was so much self loathing.  Everything in my life was going to pieces.  I had gotten sick for awhile and had to have surgery and found out I was diabetic so that made me feel look I have failed myself . I had gained so much weigh I got to around to 320 lbs.

Being 320 lbs was a huge wake up call.  I started losing weight because I had gotten sick.. I realized that I have to treat myself much better. I started eating better and working out at the gym. That really made me feel so much better.  I started to actually like who I am.  Me being happy also made start to actually love myself.. I know I'm not perfect and no one is.  I have flaws I don't like it just keeps me moving in the right direction.

I have finally found a job and it feels good to be making money again.  I feel like I can provide better for my kids even the one who don't live with me.  I am at the point that I feel that I am ready to find someone in my life. I feel good about who I am and not worried if I am good enough.  I am still fine if I am not with someone unlike before.  I have finally found the key to my happiness. If you don't love yourself how can you love someone else or maintain a relationship.